WA-5

I am the cow; the chunky, meaty, milky cow. My name is Chester. I am the cow in which the groom, Larry O'Connor, sat on while marrying his ugly wife Mary Jane Goodwrench. It all started when I was a wee little cow, a newborn if you will, I was Mary Jane’s favorite little calf. On the left side of my stomach lay a pattern that resembled a heart, Mary Jane instantly fell in love. Due to her ugliness, I wish she hadn’t. She cared for me, nurtured me. She fed me as much food as I wanted. She always singled me out from the group. As a cow, I wanted to be big, strong, and MANLY. She cared for me as if I was her little Chihuahua. Totally the opposite direction I wanted to be heading with my stature in my herd of cattle. Years past and I grew; I really grew; now weighing more than 500 tons. A man named Larry started coming home with Mary Jane on a regular basis. He began to walk out to the pasture with her and feed us. Then it became every day. They would sit on the fence lining our pasture and just look at us as if we were doing something exciting. If I could talk I would have said, “Yo, can I help you?” But I can’t so I wasn’t able express my disapproval of some country redneck guy starring at me for 2 plus hours. I lumbered away mumbling under my breath, “Get a room.” So I realized they were going to get married when they started setting up chairs and placing an alter in the middle of our barn at 5:30 in the morning. I was furious, my beauty sleep was interrupted. The clanging and clattering of chairs moving from left to right and ramming my stall filled me with uncontrollable anger, but I was too lethargic to stir up any physical emotion. I fell back asleep during the time in which I took a break from being furious. As the sun peeped its head out from under the covers, I jostle my legs around, breaking the stiffness of my night within my joints. The day stared our normal, besides the rude awakening. I got my breakfast feed. I got let out into the pasture at the normal time. But around mid-day I was brought back into the barn. I was strapped up. There were tons of people, chairs everywhere. I slowly was dragged to a back door. Larry O’Connor showed up from nowhere and hopped onto my back.