WA5

I am the cow; the chunky, meaty, milky cow. My name is Chester. I am the cow in which the groom, Larry O'Connor, sat on while marrying his ugly wife Mary Jane Goodwrench. It all started when I was a wee little cow, a newborn if you will, I was Mary Jane’s favorite little calf. On the left side of my stomach lay a pattern that resembled a heart, Mary Jane instantly fell in love. Due to her ugliness, I wish she hadn’t. She cared for me, nurtured me. She fed me as much food as I wanted. She always singled me out from the group. As a cow, I wanted to be big, strong, and MANLY. She cared for me as if I was her little Chihuahua. Totally the opposite direction I wanted to be heading with my stature in my herd of cattle. Years past and I grew; I really grew; now weighing more than 500 tons. A man named Larry started coming home with Mary Jane on a regular basis. He began to walk out to the pasture with her and feed us. Then it became every day. They would sit on the fence lining our pasture and just look at us as if we were doing something exciting. If I could talk I would have said, “Yo, can I help you?” But I can’t so I wasn’t able express my disapproval of some country redneck guy starring at me for 2 plus hours. I lumbered away mumbling under my breath, “Get a room.” So I realized they were going to get married when they started setting up chairs and placing an alter in the middle of our barn at 5:30 in the morning. I was furious, my beauty sleep was interrupted. The clanging and clattering of chairs moving from left to right and ramming my stall filled me with uncontrollable anger, but I was too lethargic to stir up any physical emotion. I fell back asleep during the time in which I took a break from being furious. The actually wedding wasn’t planned to begin until 4 in the afternoon. My so-called gown was a pair of cowboy boots, blue jeans, plaid shirt, leather vest and a cowboy hat. I was planning on giving my husband a lasso as a wedding gift. My nervousness began to have the best of me as the moment I had been waiting for ticked closer and closer. As I made my way from the farmhouse to the barn, which was holding the wedding, I began to think if really what I was doing was the right choice. As a turned the corner and entered the barn, and I saw him, I knew this was it. Larry looked so nice, in his boots, leather vest, and cowboy hat, smiling with his 9 teeth. As I mounted Chester, my heart began to race. The excitement was so every whelming. Everyone was dressed so nicely, dirty jeans and a t-shirt and occasionally I would spot a button down here and there. The actually ceremony went by quickly. As my family and Larry’s filed out, the cows were released back into their field. Everyone gathered around the hay stacks in the barn to eat and dance. Larry and I planned to milk cows in German for our honeymoon.